I never wanted a relationship, you probably don't either
Relationships are a woman’s job
I have concluded that it is bad sexual strategy to want a relationship and that it is horrible self-sabotage to look for one. What you can do is be open to one, which puts the onus on the girl to sell you on the idea of her on a full time basis. Of course, this can be a bit unnerving, as it puts your sexual successes and failures in the forefront. If you cannot get a girl to want to win you, then you are not valuable enough to warrant the effort, it’s a huge hit to the ego.
I happened into this mindset, almost by accident. I had been spinning plates for just about a decade at that point – I was a late bloomer – and had seen nothing but disaster in the vast majority of relationships around me. Parents, friends, co-workers. I was just old enough to see the first round of divorces among guys my age. Man it happens young. As I started telling the story, I was getting the stories of other guys in the red pill, the one that comes to mind was /u/UEMMcgill, another red pill moderator who had the same experience. A few others afterwards came out, and so I ran with the idea.
You can only be open to having a relationship, but the onus is on her to convince you it’s worth it.
At the time she was one of my plates, 8 years younger and a lot of fun, but I was deploying so life luckily taught me not to look for a relationship. I cannot give the RCN all the credit for this, most of the girls I was dating were pretty convincingly sold on the idea also. And so I left to sail around the world and pretend to fight pirates, how noble, amirite?
When I got home, I hadn’t seen a girl who wasn’t an alcoholic, fat, or in a burka in 7 months. Our ship was having an exclusive party, and I wanted to bring one of the old plates, possibly a new one if I could get one in time. I was still adjusting to driving a car again, I couldn’t sleep in a bed, I wasn’t exactly at the top of my game.
The aforementioned plate wanted to come to. The Pacific North West wasn’t exactly known for exclusive party scenes, so every girl wanted a sponsor to take them where the booze was free, high T flowed, and no one smelled like patchouli. The friend who invited her last year wanted nothing to do with her, she tended to wander off and do her own thing, and he hated the idea of having to babysit her.
I wanted a fun girl to plate, and she wanted an invite.
Enter the plate.
I was still dating other girls, and In Vancouver, I was meeting up with a part-time stripper, as I needed a date for some diplomatic function with the public officials there. I guess the HMCS Vancouver was banned from her namesake city a few years back, and we wanted to start leaving better impressions with the locals. This event was a story in itself for another time.
After a lot of bullshit, I eventually walked away, it was right about the point where she started adding hoops for me to jump through. Either it was my game, or my luck, but it always happened around the 30 day mark, a girl’s nonsense started to come through and I just walked away. My party-plate as it turns out was also in Vancouver, she had just flaked on her guy for being unattractive. I had nothing to do for the evening so invited her out on a date.
It’s something I had noticed, for about a year, this is the first plate I had that didn’t have
In fact, the worst thing I could say about her is that she had too many bar clothes for my amount of closet space. We sat there over Caesars and I put her on a 90 day trial period, ‘let’s see shall we?’ And for the second year, she just didn’t have any red flags. No suspicious absences, always pleasant, not secretive with her phone, no stories through the grapevine at work over who had seen her where. Dear god, she was even better than my old roommate Terrin, she put her makeup away after she used it instead of leaving it on the sink!
And during that time, the only concession I made was giving her the opportunity to keep me to herself. Nothing changed, at first. However, after one random night of drinking and having fun at a friends house, she came over and turned into a blubbering mess. The whole conversation centered around her worried that I didn’t love her, and she loved me so much. Around that time she started staying over, cooking me breakfast. She even cleaned my house! I joked, that during our first date she was the first girl to make me so much as a sandwich. The point though, that I hadn’t really looked for a relationship with her. I was open to one, I was willing to give her the opportunity to have one, but she had to invest in the relationship. After all, I was good at game and still not even close to peaking. I would sacrifice all my years of thottery ahead of me. What I had inadvertently asked myself was:
“What’s in this for me?” And while it wasn’t much I had asked for, she stepped up, and here we are over a decade later. She still makes me breakfast if I ask, and I still give her my best years.
Contrast this with my buddy Matt. He was married to his high school sweetheart, a beautiful Polish girl named Liz. He was co dependent, she was frigid and controlling. She spent money to soothe her angry emotions, while Matt treated her as an equal, which she resented him for. They got divorced, and it was a train wreck from start to finish. Put that aside, watching him date again was weird.
He was looking for her replacement, he was looking for a wife. Every girl he brought over was middling at best, yet to him they were all wife material. He would project all his great qualities onto them, while ignoring the glaring flaws. The obvious one was the girl who had a huge acne problem, whom he called hotter than his ex-wife. Say what you will about her, she was objectively hot.
About 7 months later he had a new wife and they got married. The weird thing was, she went from being a very passive, quiet girl, into the mirror image of Liz. I couldn’t tell you if she was always like that but hid it in order to hook him, or whether his passive nature left a leadership vacuum that she entered, and proceeded to fuck up.
He went looking for his unicorn, and he ended up with the same old nag he started with, except in brunette. He never stopped being co dependent, never took charge, he almost never said no. he was very passive, and she had to take the reins. He then hit bed death by a thousand concessions. It was really sad, he used to complain about how Liz never fucked him, and those same stories were starting up again. I wonder how different it would have been if he lead the interactions, lead the relationship, or at the very least made her work to convince him it was a good idea to stick it out with her.
Girls suck at leadership, and no one wins when they try to lead a relationship. It reminds me of lesbian bed death. If you haven’t heard of this, it’s where two girls start off in a great relationship, then slowly but surely lose all sexual interest in each other. No one is initiating, and everyone is waiting to be receptive. All the while, resentment builds and they shit self-destructs. I can’t say for certain this is why lesbian relationships have the most occurrences of domestic abuse, but I can’t say they aren’t related either.
Even now, I don’t think I ever truly was 100% ‘in’ on my relationship. It wasn’t that I think I’m so damned good that I deserve better, it’s just something I’ve picked up over the years. It’s hard to see a 99% failure rate for relationships and put faith in their permanence, surely I’m not better at it than everyone around me right? The one thing I can say with some confidence is that when I’ve been around something that could be great for me, but didn’t really care if I got it or not, I was better at looking at it objectively.
I don’t think there’s anything more effective at manipulating us then the wishes of our own egos. In my case, the only expectation I had was sexual company, and it’s fairly easy to see if a girl fits the bill. I never really committed more than that until the other person gave me a reason to. Now I don’t know if this is the be all and end all strategy, but I do know it’s worked for me, and the guys I’ve swapped notes with. Give it a shot in your life, see how well the feedback gets for you