How do any of us, as men, have a successful relationship? What does that even mean?
Is it about happiness? Happiness is a fad. Right now, today, around half of marriages have, or will end soon. Of them, most are the wives doing, and most of those are because she’s not haapy. The extra ‘a’ is for flippancies sake. We pay lip service to the words ‘for better or worse’ in a marriage, but we don’t really believe them. It’s clearly not about happiness.
Is it about longevity? If that were the case, India has a 1% divorce rate. When they marry there, it’s for life. Would you, or anyone you know trade your marriage for one that’s modeled after Indian marriage? Considering the LBG (little brown guy) meme of ‘bobs and vagine’ is so common, most people kind of understand that their world is not compatible with most wishes of European or North American men.
So if it’s not about happiness, and it’s not about longevity, what is it then? Children? Men don’t get to have children, men get to sire them. Women get to have children, most women loove to have children. The extra ‘o’ is for flippancies sake. I’ve seen enough loser moms raising loser kids to know that they aren’t inherently better at it. I got a nephew that doesn’t stand a chance, and his mother doesn’t really care either. It’s like cancer, each and every man out there knows at least one, or has been one. One of those children with a mother who just … couldn’t … even.
So what is a successful relationship if it doesn’t last forever, can be cancelled without extra fees, and the obligation of childhood is an opt-in obligation? We are a social species, I believe we are simply wired for human connection, but not for forever. It needs some longevity, it needs some happiness, but what I find it needs more than anything? What it needs from a male-perspective?
Freedom and fulfillment. This space I occupy is full of guys who came from homes where their mothers or fathers destroyed traditional ideas of relationships and family. They sometimes entered into their own, to disastrous results. Others have muddled along but know it’s sub optimal, and a scant few hit the promised land and reported their findings.
Throughout human history, the longest lasting relationships have been male-dominated. Man ran the household, man brought home the bacon, man protected against lions and tigers, man build the society from which the family lived, and man was the father for the children, revered by society. These things are no longer required.
Man doesn’t need to bring home the bacon. Women are entering colleges at a higher rate then men. Women are starting to earn more than men, and this trend is accelerating. Modern society needs compliant people who can work with large matrices of people, this is what women were bred for. Men are competitive, disagreeable, and this is not what they are bred for. Sure, we can become more agreeable, we can compete less, but we lose out on that thing that attracted women to us in the first place. There are jobs and career options that no longer require this, but robots will have them soon.
So what are you gonna do when you don’t bring home the bacon?
Man doesn’t need to protect against the invading hordes, we have police officers, we have military, we have large amounts of society built up to the point where suicide and lifestyle choices are the only apex predator left. You can play soldier, shoot some rounds at the gun range, and she can throw out an accusation of being creepy before someone can get close enough to cause any harm. Everyone who wants to fuck her, everyone who wants to show a girl how fuckable an ally they are, they will all race to eliminate the ‘threat’ first. In fact, there’s so few threats out there we have to embellish our own. Know what women think the threats are? Rapists hiding in the bushes. Know how those ‘threats’ manifest? The guy who sent her an errant comment on social media.
So what are you going to do when you don’t protect her?
Man doesn’t need to build society, we already built it, and let it stagnate for a few generations. After the second world war we had great men build up a country full of infrastructure. then we spent two generations enjoying it. Now we are watching it start to crumble, but really don’t want to pay what it would cost to get it fixed. Can’t save 40 minutes on my commute, that would require me to pay an extra grand in tax to get the subway line to stop on my block. Not that it matters, even if we did want to rebuild the crumbling infrastructure, we will have robots soon enough, they will do it for us. We already have robots that took our manufacturing class jobs, they are coming after our professional class next, and eventually they will take over our health care jobs, our creative class jobs, and since we are too fat to fight, may as well have them fight wars for us as well. She doesn’t need you to build a society, she already has it, and someone else is going to repair it.
So what are you going to do when you can’t build her society?
Men aren’t valued as fathers. Men have always been disposable, we merely extended this to the role of sperm donor and supplemental income. We can all pat ourselves on the back for being a father, for going to baseball games, for playing the part of babysitter, though mom can, and probably will have you move on when she is no longer haapy. You don’t hear a lot of cases of women leaving because of physical abuse, gambling or drug addictions, and you don’t hear a lot of women leaving because of infidelity. You hear some, sure, and god bless those couples for standing in front of the haapy people who need a moral human shield. You will be estranged from your children with the odds of a coin flip, and father 2.0 will be chomping at the big to replace you.
Remember that nephew I was talking about earlier? Yeah, his mom has a weight problem to go along with her ‘maternal’ instinct. Guess what, 6 months after the separation dad 2.0 was looking to lock it down. I mean, dad is still a part of his life, though that seems entirely dependant on dads wish for involvement, and moms flippant acceptance of it.
So, what are you going to do when being a father is a disposable career path?
If this is a bit of a depressing read so far, good, it should be. The point is that none of the classical markers for masculinity matter anymore. No one cares if you have a job, no one cares if you’re able to protect your family, no one cares that you are a productive member of society, and no one cares how good of a father you are. People may say they do, but watch how they act, and stop listening to their mouth noises.
No one cares. You ain’t shit, and that’s OK.
So what makes a good relationship for a man? It’s needs some longevity, since it’s just an extended one night stand without it. It needs some fulfillment, since no one will do it if there’s no incentive. It needs freedom, why? Because what makes a man is devalued so much, you have to accept your value is on borrowed time, and you have to be OK with that. The best way to accept ones temporary situation is to have the value to be able to replace loss. does the wife earn more than you? She no longer needs your supermarket masculinity, she can bring home her own bacon. Does the wife have the police on speed-dial? Not that it matters, you live in a suburb that has 0 danger.
Your wife doesn’t need you, but if you’re good, she does want you. That’s what we’ve come to, the end of the gender war, women won. You aren’t the enemy either, you’re the spoils of war. Until the zombies come over that hill, until the buildings crumble and the corps fail, women no longer need men except sperm, status, and the good feelings that come with having a man who is dominant. I didn’t say dominate, I said dominant. Upon winning this war of the genders, women have had to take on a whole slew of responsibilities, ones they weren’t really designed to do. It’s stressful. Women are binge drinking at levels that would make a man from the 1950s blush. they are taking xanax at levels that would make a housewife from the 1950s blush. You think they want to run their life outside of the office?
Not really. They want brunch, appies, books about vampires and shopping as escapism. These are porn for women, and they do it much more than we look at PornHub. When they come home and a man is there to grab them by the hair, fuck her good, and make her feel … there is no better feeling for that girl, especially if she knows that other girls would gladly take her spot. She has a prize that others want, this is modern man, for better or for worse. Fatherhood, provision, these are nice to haves, they aren’t essential. If you’re lucky you have a girl who had Jesus crammed into her head and she still believes in the old rules, chances are you don’t, but she may tell you that you do. You can believe her words, or watch her actions. You can believe me or your lyin’ eyes.
And how do I know this is the case? I don’t, not really. I have talked with men, hundreds, thousands of men. I have talked with single men, I have talked with men in relationships, I have talked with divorced men, and I have talked with widowed men. We all swapped notes, what worked, what doesn’t, what may work but we don’t know why … Just about any question you can think to ask about modern men has been asked a hundred times before, and answered just as much. It’s a concept called convergence. No one is running experiments with isolated variables or scientific rigor, so no one answer is very credible.
But, when you get a thousand people doing loose experiments, living life, reporting findings, every starts to see patterns. All our life experiences are leaning towards a singularity, so we tend to advise new guys that this singularity is probably a good direction. In this case:
Single guys were noticing more success with women when they took a dominant mindset. Lead the interactions, be aloof, do no placate her feelings. More dominance meant more sex
Guys in relationships were noticing that their girlfriends were more pleasant and lasted longer when they took a dominant mindset. Lead the interactions, be aloof, do not placate her feelings. More dominance meant more sex and happier relationships for their duration.
Married guys were noticing that their wives stopped nagging, were generally pleasant, and had more enthusiasm (or any, in some cases) in the bedroom. Lead the interactions, be aloof, do not placate her feelings. More dominance meant more and better sex, happier relationships, and in most cases, extended the longevity of them.
And divorced guys were noticing that their soon to be (or current) ex wives affected their lives less, the new girls were generally pleasant, and did not fall into the same ruts as their previous relationships. Lead the interactions, be aloof, do not placate the anger from an ex lover. More dominance meant more, and better sex, some guys even have a friends with benefits with the ex wife! they tried and finished their relationships, and ended up happier with short term ones from them on, in parallel or in serial.
So what does it mean to have a fulfilling relationship? What do you do when the old markers of masculinity are gone?
Who knows, who cares? Asking Why is a stupid question to begin with, navel gazing never fixed anything. What I can say, is regardless of what metric you use to judge the quality of a relationship, being dominant, aloof, attractive, being the kind of man women want, instead of the man women need tends to be the best way of getting there.
And when, not if, but when it ends, you’re in a much better position to dust yourself off and get back into the sexual marketplace. Guys have the wonderful ability to replace their women with younger models, just so long as they are worth a damn before they try.
If you want to discover the rosetta stone of masculinity, fill your booths, I’ll be with those thousands of men who swapped some notes and converged on some strategies for their life, they’ll be having sex while you ponder why you aren’t.