The Archwinger Series: Respect is Earned
Respect is Earned
It’s a story as old as time: A guy gets dumped by his girl because she found someone better. I guess I can elaborate with a little more detail.
A guy and his girl move into a new apartment. The girl starts hanging out with some of the people there, doesn't come home one night, and the next day dumps her boyfriend. She says that she met someone else, is really attracted to him, and was with him last night. The guy asks, if she fucked him and she responded with,
"No, but I'm going to."
What this meant was that she didn't want to be a cheater so she waited to break up and be single first. Honestly, that little factoid isn’t important, the part where she spends all night with this other guy talking about:
How they're going to fuck
Making sure she has sure thing lined up before dumping her boyfriend
That was her cheating just as much as fucking the guy would have been. She may as well have fucked him as the boundaries were already crossed. Our “Red Pill” brothers predictably flood this thread with comments about how annoying women are or how can she be so callously disrespectful. I find it refreshing how direct and honest women are toward men that they don't respect. Once a woman doesn't no longer needs you she has no need to lie to you anymore. I'd give it decent odds that this girl was telling her guy the truth, she hadn't fucked the other man yet. She's breaking up with him, clearly doesn't respect him, and she gains very little by lying to him. It's not like she seriously expects this guy to remain her friend or admire her for not actually cheating. That's stuff she's telling him for his benefit, in order to let him down easy. She doesn't benefit from that.
But anyway, Our “Red Pill” brothers predictably complain. “Women have no honor, they have no respect, Yada yada yadda." There is something our fathers told us that applies here, or they should have. Something that society tells us daily, Respect is earned. Think about what we're asking of this girl, what you’re asking of women in general. If we expect loyalty, we are asking a woman who meets another man who's better than you – be it better looking, higher status, more wealth, security, better social acumen, more interesting skills and hobbies and shit to talk about, whatever – that she pass on this better opportunity solely because you came along first. We are asking women to commit to a relationship with you as if she expects to be with you forever. She can never cheat, never dump you for a better offer; just stick around forever or until you dump her, whichever comes first. This is a race after all, and you came along first. Anyone who comes along later must be ignored.
That's not a fair thing to ask of women.
It is not her responsibility to stay with you on principle alone. It is your responsibility to be the kind of man who doesn't get dumped or cheated on, or at least being the kind of man who can move on with minimal fuss. It is your responsibility to earn that respect and admiration every minute of every day. If she passes on a better offer on principle alone, she'll spend the rest of your soon-to-be, very short lived relationship resenting you, finding fault in everything about you, or realizing how unhaaappy she is. Society's message, that Respect is Earned is a true one. Where society fails us is in the shitty advice we're given on how to earn respect. You would think that being a loyal boyfriend, having an established history with a woman, moving in together, doing shit for her, planning on a future together; that all of this would lead to her respecting you? Respecting you to the point that she can meet another guy she's attracted to and shrug it off? Sure the new guy is hot and fun, but she has history with you right? You've done so much for her over the years, right? Tough shit. That's not how you earn respect.
You do not earn respect by respecting others. You earn respect by respecting you, which is counter-intuitive. By being a selfish, lovable asshole who puts himself first and does what he wants, even at the expense of others, and the whole world bends at the knee to chase after you, it tries to win your validation. Everyone else is so fucking polite and respectful by default while you are instead busy respecting yourself. That rubs everyone funny, and not just women. That makes people try harder when they are around you. Your job is to be powerful, important, to be successful. You don't have to be a dick if you don't want to, but by being nice and doing shit for your girlfriend? That is the path to being replaced. Your job is to do shit for you that as a side-effect benefits your girlfriend. Your job is to be a man that raises others up, that encourages others to raise themselves along with you. That raises the value of everyone in the room just by being there. To be the man that every woman wants to fuck and every man wants to be. You don't avoid getting cheated on and dumped by being a nicer boyfriend. You avoid getting cheated on and dumped by becoming a man that nobody in her right mind would ever risk fucking things up with.
I for one don't want women to be loyal, principled, and honorable. That would just encourage me to get lazy or reward the stupid and the lucky. The right-place, right time guys who just happened to get there first?
I'd rather earn respect.